Self Realization
After two long years of paperwork and waiting to be matched to our beautiful daughter I had convinced myself that because I wanted to be a mother so much and not just to any child but to this adopted daughter that my bond to her would be instantanious. I found myself not wanting to get pregnant because I wanted this daughter, I didn't even know who she was yet, but I knew that I loved her very much.
The love part is true, I do love my daughter very much. I haven't even known her for one month yet but I do know that I love her. My bonding to her was the surprise and self realization. I didn't intantly bond to her right off in the beginning, but it is coming and growing within me. I can feel it when I look at her and play with her. She in turn is starting to bond with me also. Each day and week is better and better. We are both relaxing and getting to know each other. Lily is quite a good baby. She is funny and likes to play rough. She only cries when she wants something or is really tired. I can tell the difference in her cries already. I know when the cry is a tired cry verses an angry cry or a hungry cry. She is really a happy baby and quick to smile. She knows what she wants and is not afraid to let you know. I really feel we are blessed to have her in our lives.
The love part is true, I do love my daughter very much. I haven't even known her for one month yet but I do know that I love her. My bonding to her was the surprise and self realization. I didn't intantly bond to her right off in the beginning, but it is coming and growing within me. I can feel it when I look at her and play with her. She in turn is starting to bond with me also. Each day and week is better and better. We are both relaxing and getting to know each other. Lily is quite a good baby. She is funny and likes to play rough. She only cries when she wants something or is really tired. I can tell the difference in her cries already. I know when the cry is a tired cry verses an angry cry or a hungry cry. She is really a happy baby and quick to smile. She knows what she wants and is not afraid to let you know. I really feel we are blessed to have her in our lives.
posted by Nancy & Brian at 7:35 PM
4 Comments:
; )
I was very touched by your words. I have a natural child and when he was first born I felt everything that you were describing with your daugther. I felt terrible as a parent that I wasn't instantly in love, but when we bonded I know that the time was needed for us to get use to each other and I would do anything for him. After years of trying, I'm not giving up, but I don't want to go through the pregnancy and labor part again..instead I want a child I can learn to bond and love the same way I did with my son. Thanks for share!
Di
Nancy, don't worry about feeling the things you are right now. I think a lot of moms go through the same thing. I know I did! I can honestly say I didn't have that "massive out poring of love" when my first child was born until he was about 4 months old. Mom always said it was instantanious with her but it sure wasn't for me! It took me a while. Hang in there and know that what you are feeling is just about what I felt as well. Now you sound just like all us other moms! Welcome to the club!! Can't wait to see her and give you both a big squeeze! love, Deanne
I loved meeting Lily at Chinese New Year - she is GORGEOUS and her outfit was beautiful! I'm sorry I couldn't visit more - the store kept me busy but I look forward to spending time with you next week!
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